The N.B.A.'s Worst Job

If you consider the probable pay scale of just about anybody involved in the Association there really is no "bad" job. Yet if you put all that scratch aside and focus on the other factors involved in the workplace, it seems to me that one man far and away has the worst assignment in basketball. That man is TNT analyst and talking head Ernie Johnson.



A LITTLE HISTORY



For years after graduating with a BA in journalism from the University of Georgia (class of 77) , Mr. Johnson worked as a local news anchor and reporter for WAMZ-TV in Macon, Georgia. He then traveled to Spartanburg , South Carolina to do much the same work before returning to Georgia to become the weekend sports anchor for Atlanta's WSB-TV in 1983. Mr. Johnson held that spot for six years before taking a job with Turner Sports in 1989.



From 1993 to 1996 Johnson called Atlanta Braves games with his father Ernie Sr. (a former Major League ballplayer) on the SportSouth channel before it became FSN South. Over the years Mr. Johnson has worn several hats in regard to sports broadcasting. Three times he has worked the Olympic games in one capacity or another as well as some work on the PGA Tour , and the NFL. Johnson even won a Sports Emmy for Outstanding Sports Personality - Studio Host for his work on TBS and TNT. Well to be honest he was a CO-WINNER of that award. From 2000 to 2005 Bob Costas either won that award ....or he won that award.

so good , they made a card out of me

******AUTHORS NOTE****************

Now would probably be a good time for me to go ahead and waive all personal claims of journalistic integrity as I am gleaning this information via Mr. Johnson's Wikipedia page. Sorry E.J. If any or all of this information is false I sincerely apologize , but I'm trying to paint a picture before I pass out, and that means I just don't have the time for .....you know ......the facts.

******AUTHORS NOTE****************



At any rate my point is this. Ernie Johnson , despite being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2003, has done the work that it takes to reach a very high standing in his chosen field. He completed the schooling , worked the crappy jobs , battled through cancer , and still managed to find his way into the upper reaches of sports broadcasting. He deserves the respect of his peers , his friends and family , you , me , and everyone who aspires to be a broadcaster. So what does Mr. Johnson get for all his hard work ? Three verbally handicapped ex-ballers to share the studio with.



Seriously , Chriss Webber , Kenny Smith , and the quote machine Charles Barkley ?????



Come on TNT how can you do this ? Granted all three were awesome basketball players. C-Webb was great at Michigan and damn good in the NBA. Kenny Smith won multiple championships (on Hakeem's coat tails) but still , he was great himself. No question. Hell , Charles Barkley is one of my favorite players in the history of Basketball! So it goes without saying that all three would have some insight on the NBA today and probably forever.



But how in the name of all that is holy and good can these three idiots be given jobs as "analysts" ? Further more how can they be holding these jobs down ? As much as I love Charles Barkley (and I do love me some Chuck) the man's grasp of the English language is actually worse than his golf swing ! Now that's saying something! C-Webb and K-Smith are slightly better but by no means will they ever be considered eloquent in any way. Sometimes I question if they are even literate. Not to mention the fact that Webber and Barkley have both had some run ins with the law. Who hasn't ? I know, but Barkley , a man who has no trouble blasting anyone for any reason, has been in trouble more times then we can count. Yet somehow still seems to be loved by all. Hypocrite or not.



Now I could ignore all of that , the horrible speech, the bad decisions , and the hypocrisy. Because after all , as humans , we all do some dumb ass shit from time to time . Life seems to demand it of us. I could deal with all of that , if it weren't for the fact those three goons , especially Smith and Barkley , didn't spend every second of the show trying to undermine and embarrass Ernie Johnson. Every single time I see this foursome on TV I feel for E.J. I don't how he gets through a show without blowing up. I really don't. It's a testament to his professionalism.



Barkley and Smith continually talk over Johnson. Interrupting him at every chance, and even go so far as to team up and poke fun at his knowledge of the game. Granted these ex players know the game far more intimately than does Johnson but come on. The man watches Basketball for a living! It's his freakin job!



I have never been of the opinion that a non-ballplayer is destined to be ignorant on any given sport. He may not have played , but I would be willing to bet that Ernie Johnson has watched enough Basketball in his life to put 99% of the population to shame. You don't have to have played the game to recognize the things that are clearly happening before your eyes.

So hang tough Big Earn. Someday the masses will get tired of these three a-holes and maybe , just maybe , TNT will not stick you with three more "all eyes on me" former basket jockeys.

Maybe they will give you Magic Johnson this time...........Oh wait .....they did that already , and it was even worse.

Hail the Benevolent 200

So , you have been hired as one of the two hundred men and women that will manage the Twitter account of one Hugo Rafael Chavez. I scarcely know where to start.

The often misunderstood Venezuelan dictator joined the Twitter nation on April 27th , our year of The Lord 2010 , in what appears to be a deft counter stroke to the emoticon laden insults of his enemies. In less than a month El Presidente Superior's account has skyrocketed top the top of the "followers" charts with 237,000 members. Quickly besting the lone television station (Globovision, 234,000) that still dares voice an opposition to his reign.

See the full story from The Associated Press here.

It should not be surprising that the leader of a country would draw some followers but his meteoric rise to 237,00 followers in a matter of weeks is a bit perplexing. Perhaps it has something to do with the Twitter handle he has chosen. How does "chavezcandanga" strike you ? Personally it scares the crap-spackle right out me. Chavezcandanga ??? Really ? How exactly do you break that down ?

Is it chavez-can-DANGA ? As if he is fully equipped to quote "danga" all over your freedom loving ass , or does it read chavez-CAND-anga ? That would imply that Mr C. has enough "anga" to package it and trade it to the Russians for self esteem pills. Was "hugorocksyourbody" taken already, or am I simply showing off my lack of understanding in regard to popular Venezuelan lexicon ?

Either way it makes me nervous. It promotes a frightening mental image of an over stimulated dictator as he ruthlessly whips his army of tweet-drones (200 strong) into battle.

tweet the deets cavrone !!!!!

Scary, to say the least. Yet H.C.-aka-Big Fluffy, would have us believe that he only hired these two hundred lost souls to deal with the some 54,000 messages his account has received from supporters , critics, and those who simply seek the wisdom that is "chavezcandanga". As well as the physical manifestations of Sean Penn's need to belong.

However , as usual , some of Mr. Chavezs's recent comments on the matter leave more than a little to unravel. When asked why he felt the need to hire what I can only assume is an unprecedented two hundred person Tweet staff , Big Fluffy was heard to say , " I'm creating a team due to the avalanche of requests , and some grievances." .........Indeed sir. Way to toss that last one in there. I'm guessing there are more than "some" grievances involved here.

Like wise he spared a moment to urge supporters to join the cause as he likened Twitter to a " weapon that also needs to be used by the revolution" . Of course he did. After all what good is a thing if it is not judged by it's usefulness as a weapon ? Now I expect this sort of response from this kind of man, but when pressed on the subject , in relation to the many disparaging remarks his account has thus far received El Presidente produced this scholarly gem.

"Some criticise me, others insult me . I don't care. It's a form of contact with the world."

"you heard me"

Uh yes , how very circular of you sir. Once again I am overwhelmed by the simplicity of your logic. How exactly has the world at large survived for so long without a theologian such as yourself ? Leave it to Mount Hugo to wrap an insistent statement in a blanket of absurdity. By this logic the world of Twitter is (as a disconnected athlete would say) what it is. Yet at the same time adding a mere ten or twenty souls to the staff to handle it is as absurd as a corporation making a profit.

By the way thanks again President Obama for that little blooming flower of wisdom. Now is not the time to make profits ? Heaven forbid an American company would make any money in your economy. After all it's a well known fact that the people who actually make money never dump any of it back into the economy. They only donate it to YOUR campaign , or hoard it like dragons.

HANDS OFF ! I'm a union delegate.

At any rate I feel more than a little nervous for the two hundred " aides" to Mr. Chavez's Twitter account. I know it may be tough to find work in your country, especially with that thirty plus percent inflation rate you are striving against, but is this job really worth it ? Are you one hundred percent sure that you are all not destined to become human sacrifices in an ill fated attempt to reanimate Che ?

You should think about that. Lord knows I will.

The NFL Draft ...Round 1 ......WOW

Well then , the first round of the 2010 NFL draft just ended . For the first time ever it was held in prime time on a Thursday night. Something that I must say I did not approve of at all. Yet I would be remiss if I did not give the NFL , ESPN , and the NFL Network their due accolades for convincing me otherwise.

Over the years the NFL draft has always been an interesting thing to watch on my second T.V. Never something that would dominate my sports interest for any amount of time. Yet you always want to see who goes first, and then top 10, and then after that you really only want to see what your team is doing. This year however it's been a little different.

The absolute and total commercial saturation and draft hype put forth by the NFL and the surrounding media was truly a force of nature. During the last two months I have felt as if my conscious self was floating above my body as i watched my subconscious be thoroughly brainwashed. By the time the Draft started tonight I had become a drooling , twitching , NFL sycophant.

Never before have I been so completely engrossed in the draft. So well done NFL ! It turns out that I was powerless in the face your awesome media hype. Now , lets get to the action shall we ?

With the first pick the St. Louis Rams did the right thing taking Sam Bradford. I thought they should have taken Ndamukong Suh to go along with Leonard Little and Jake Long to create an all star D-line . They would stink for another year but Sam Bradford isn't going to change that in one season so why not ? This is the NFL though , and they do need a QB badly so ,well done I guess.

For once in their lives the Oakland Raiders resisted the urge to complicate themselves further and made a solid pick at number eight. Linebacker Rolando McClain out of Alabama is a stud. He should cover a lot of ground for the Raider Defense and should make some plays.

The Buffalo Bills surprised me a little with the 9th pick . Hardly even letting Commissioner Goodel finish speaking before they snatched up Clemson Tiger and speed burner C.J. Spiller. Despite the fact that they already have two good backs in the stable. I like the pick though . Spiller is cut in the mold of a Chris Johnson and it's no secret the Bills would like to part ways with troubled halfback Marshawn Lynch. Bills need a Quarterback badly but it would have been awful tough to pass on Spiller. Good job Buffalo.

Soon after that the Jaguars picked up a Defensive Tackle . For some reason. Which brings us to the San Francisco 49ers . With two first round picks this year the Niners moved up two spots to 13 by swapping with Denver and proceeded to get brilliant. The 49ers used the 11th and 17th picks of the first round to get a 6 foot 5 , 325 pound left tackle , and then a 6 foot 5 315 pound left guard. Both are pretty nimble too.

So I feel confident that I could call plays for the Niners next year . How about Frank Gore to the left ? Then I think we'll go .....Frank Gore to the left. When we are done with that ....how about some more Frank Gore left ? If you ask the 49ers were the big winners on day one. They just locked up Alex Smith's blindside for the next 6 years at least. Brilliant.

My beloved Green Bay Packers made a first round pick I actually approve of. FOR ONCE ! With the majority of their offensive line getting old and injury prone they drafted an Offensive Tackle out of Iowa named Bryan Baluga. If that's not the perfect name for an O-Lineman then I don't know what is .

If the 49ers didn't have the best day today then in my humble opinion the Detroit Lions did. After picking up Suh with the second pick they eventually traded back into the first round to grab a stellar speed back out of California named Jahvid Best . The only knock on Best is one truly horrifying concussion suffered while scoring a touchdown in his senior season. Other than that the Lions did great. Way to shake off the Matt Millen curse Detroit , you all should be fun to watch this year.

Last but not least we have the Denver Broncos. Uhm..................Wow. That was some day one Josh McDaniels. In line for the 11th pick Mr. McDaniels and company swapped down 2 spots with frisco , and then traded THAT pick with the Eagles to move further down the board to 24th.

Now at this point it was clear to me that McDaniels was doing his best Bill Bellicheck impression and was about ready to trade right out of the first round all together. I live in Colorado , and I could literally feel the collective rage of Bronco fans state wide boiling over. You alienate our stud QB , then you ditch our best offensive threat ? Then you trade our fan favourite Peyton Hillis for Brady freakin Quinn ? And now you aren't even going to give us the satisfaction of an exiting first round pick ??

I could literally hear the sound of cars being overturned in Denver. By literally of course I mean Figuratively. But still it was going badly by all accounts . Then , inexplicably , the Broncos traded up 2 spots with Patriots ( coincidence ? ) to take a Wide Receiver NOT named Dez Bryant !! In fact they went so far as to draft a wide receiver from Georgia Tech , a program that runs a triple option offense !!!

Curious to say the least , but just when Bronco fans were ready to riot the McDingus traded back up into the first round to select one Timothy Tebow from the university of Florida .

In a word ....................WOW ! I could not have seen that coming if I was playing Jenga with Pat Bowlen himself . What on Earth was that about ?? Tebow ? In round one ? If this works , and he becomes the MVP some day then McDaniels will go down in history as the smartest man ever.

Until then however , Bronco fan will be left wondering what happened to their once proud ( or at least competitive ) squad.

I however have been inspired by this pick. Hey Timmy ! I'm going long ! Throw me a dream bro !!!