REQUIRED CONDITIONS FOR A 10 STAR RATING
MOVIE MUST BE AT LEAST 120 MINS IN LENGTH. A GREAT MOVIE CANNOT BE SHOWN IN UNDER 2 HOURS . NO EXCEPTIONS. MOVIE MUST INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE BETRAYAL OF TRULY EPIC PROPORTIONS.
MOVIE MUST INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE SPLEEN BLASTINGLY AWESOME EXPLOSION.
MOVIE ABSOLUTELY MUST INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE COMPLETELY VISIBLE PAIR OF NAKED FEMALE BREASTS.
MOVIE MUST HAVE A HIGHLY ENTERTAINING PLOT
THE FOLLOWING MAY BE AWARDED STARS OR EVEN PARTIAL STARS BUT THE TOTAL CAN NOT EXCEED 5 TOTAL STARS.
ABOVE AVERAGE SIDE BOOB. AND I MEAN ABOVE AVERAGE NOW . THIS A FULL STAR HERE
MIND BOGGLING SPECIAL EFFECTS
COMEDY THAT MAKES YOU PEE A LITTLE.
A GRUESOME DEATH SCENE
AN ASS KICKING SOUNDTRACK
A SUPER HOT ACTRESS
AN AWESOME ALIEN
A VIOLENT NATURAL DISASTER
OVERWHELMING POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS
RACIAL SLURS
A FABULOUS MULLET OR PORN STASH
Question...If a set of boobs constitute a must have star, doesnt the side boob automatically get the star? After all, a full frontal boob includes the side of a boob. If a scene starts by showing the hot actress in a nighty, then strips, then has sex, isnt that 3 1/4 stars by itself?
ReplyDeleteIf a movie has been awarded the required 5 star startup, it is possible to receive 13.5 total stars. What is the breakpoint is this instance?
Also, isn't a highly entertaining plot a matter of opinion? Where I find Avatar to be an excellent plot for that movie, AnnDee regurgitated a critic stating that it was a cop of "Dances with wolves". Not original, and not necessarily as cutting edge as I'd like, but compelling and interesting considering the setting. Where I would award a star here, many may beg to differ. Being that this rating system will long outlive your mortal life, it begs the question, whats the deciding factor on this star?
ReplyDeleteI realize i may be lingering here a little much, but i did forget to say how brilliant this scoring system is despite my before mentioned inquiries. Much like fantasy football can add an interesting dynamic to watching football each week, as can this to the movie going experience! I have begun preparations for lamanated copies and an attempt to spread the word!
ReplyDeleteyour point is well taken as it regards to a full on boob shot including the "side" . But that full star point is there for movies with no full frontal shots. which as you know , is a lot.
ReplyDeleteas for the 13.5 stars , did you not just get done reading the directions? the bonus section can be awarded no more than 5 total stars. the 5 required and the 5 bonus points. clearly it says this right at the top of each section.
and lastly , in regards to the plot......uh yeah .....it is a matter of opinion, MY OPINION. i didn't create an entire scale so that YOU could tell ME what YOU think about a plot line.
Now , in the event of my death , if it is ever indeed proven that I am not immortal , the scale will be burried with me . translated from ancient english to whatever language we will speak in the future , copied onto to a roll of Dolphin skin paper, and lodged in my rectum , where my corpse will keep it safe until such time as the gods deem it neccesary to reset my thoughts about the Skrek franchise.
First of all, I would love to have a pad of that dolphin skin paper (rectum not nessissary)!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, Conner the other night did not believe me that, when your head seperates from your body you die! There was much talk about the fact that even immortals must die if their head seperates from their body.
Thirdly, if the plot can only be awarded a star by your standards alone, how can anyone use said grading scale? Is this scale purley used for us to follow along as you rate, or is this to be used on a univeral scale. My God man, even Jesus left us a coulpe of deciples!