Sunday, August 30, 2009

NFL Prognostication .... AFC EAST

The 2008 season provided no lack of quality story lines and many of them came straight from the AFC EAST .

Bert Favor got the Jets off to a 9 - 3 start . Tom Brady got hurt for the year early in week one and the lowly Miami Dolphins turned in the greatest single season turn around in NFL history . ( without a dancing Jason Taylor ) . Now as the season progressed young Matt Cassel steadily improved while an ageing Bert Favor got old quickly and the Dolphins managed to win the division .

****EDITORS NOTE****** The author of this blog ( Peter D McGarry ) is a lifelong Green Bay Packer fan and after 16 years of defending # 4 has decided it is no longer in his best interest to ever say that name correctly again . ************************************************

That being said the 2009 AFC EAST is again the source of several multiple compelling stories . Tom Brady is back , Favor is gone and the worlds biggest and baddest crybaby has moved to Buffalo . It could prove to be an interesting year , but not in the win/loss columns .

The Dolphins and Bills are improving but the records wont show it . Even if the Bills are more competitive this year with T.O. they are not going to start any better than 8 - 4 at the absolute most . That would be remarkable for starters but the real downer is that they finish off the season with the Pats , @ Atlanta , and finally home to the Colts . If they aren't 10 and 3 going into that then they aint making the dance .

Like wise the Jets have a lot of talented players but figure to loose some close games as neither the rookie Sanchez or the backup Clemons give them a proven closer .

Now the dolphins are a good team again but they just don't have the fire power to compete with the Patriots for the whole season . Not to mention they start the season going to Atlanta , home for the Colts , and @ San Diego before division games with rivals Buffalo and the Jets . With a bye in week 6 the Dolphins could be 1 an 4 . That would make them spoilers at best .

Which brings us to the New England Patriots . I only have one stat . When Tom Brady starts more than 4 games in a season the Pats win the division . Barring injury it will hold true in 2009 .

PREDICTION

NEW ENGLAND - ( 13 - 3 )
MIAMI - ( 9 - 7 )
NEW YORK - ( 6 - 10 )
BUFFALO - ( 6 - 10 )

Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday Night Gruden ?

One word . I'm in !


Despite the fact that it is still the pre-season I got my first taste of Jon Gruden in the box tonight and I loved it .


Believe it or not the meaningless Monday Night tilt between the Ravens and Jets tonight was kind of entertaining . Not because it was the ' quote machine ' Rex Ryan's first appearance against his old team , or because it was the first real test for jets first round rookie photo shoot . I mean quarterback . ( sorry ) The reason ? Jon ' Chucky ' Gruden was in the house . I think this is going to work .

Now I've always considered Mike Torrico to be an admirable sports caster . Always informed , always well prepared , speaks well , ( obviously ) and always seems to be genuinely exited about the contest at hand . Regardless of the sport . Not to mention he IS a Syracuse grad . But to me one of his best qualities is his ability to mediate between two loudmouths with big egos , a la the great James Brown . I think old Mike is enjoy this particular setting .

We already know what Ron Jaworski is all about and now we have the ultimate football fan in Jon Gruden in there with them . Awesome . Good old ' Chucky ' the grinder himself . I love a color guy that actually knows the ins and outs of the game , which Gruden most certainly does . I'm really looking forward to some titanic arguments between he and Jaws . They have played nice so far but you know it's only a matter of time M.T. is doing his best not to laugh his ass off at these two NFL know-it-alls .

I can't freaking wait . Monday nights just got a lot better in my book .

Thursday, August 20, 2009

He Shoots ... He Scores !

Over the years many a theory has been put forth as to the affect video games and Hollywood movies have on person's grasp of reality . Does over indulgence in the world of fantasy eventually warp an individuals ability to separate make believe from reality ? Can a murderer be be forgiven his crime due to his own desensitization ? Very few of us are qualified to accurately judge the mental capacities of another human mind . Personally I've always thought that for one to be so heavily influenced by fantasy that they can no longer tell the difference between it and reality , that that person had to have a couple of miss firing synapses in the first place .

That was until I got home from work tonight , fired up the old flat screen entertainment rectangle , and tuned in to the evening ESPN feed . Where upon I saw ( or at least I think I saw ) Chad Ochocinco , a wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals kicking the extra point after the Bengals only score against the Patriots .

Suddenly disoriented and confused I tried to shake it off . Telling myself I must have been mistaken . Only to then be further blown way as the very same ' receiver ' proceeded to put his foot to the ensuing kickoff ! ................ What ? Did that really happen ? No , no it couldn't have . No professional football team would conduct these kinds of on field hi jinks . Not even in the pre season . Not even the Raiders would do such a thing .

No I think it's a far more logical explanation of events that I have simply lost my mind . I believe my conscious mind has finally given up and left me stuck in a perpetual after midnight Madden bender . You know before the days when you could play online . The days when you had seen every conceivable scenario the computer had to offer on it's own and you began to randomly change the players positions just to keep it interesting .

Oh don't act like you don't know what I mean Gamers . You remember how it starts . ' Ok lets see what happens if put I put Jerry Rice in at running back . ' Interesting , but only for a minute . ' Now what if i do that to the whole league ? or better yet let me see which middle linebacker will lead the league in rushing if they are all playing halfback ' now we are talking !

But alas that first high can never last . After Ray Lewis leads the NFL in rushing for the 2nd year in a row it becomes the Law of Diminishing Return . The 2nd , 3rd , and 4th crazy ideas you come up with are never as good as the previous one . So before long ( as the sun is coming up your on beloved Saturday night ) you hit rock bottom and make all the kickers qb's , all the qb's wide receivers , and all the wr's kickers .

This is the only way to see Chad Ochocinco kicking an extra point . Unless of course you are me and have completely lost control of your mental faculties . But don't feel bad for me America . When you are busy watching your predictable playoff scenarios play out , I'll be watching the Washington Redskins win the Superbowl as Pro-Bowl halfback Albert Haynesworth rushes for an unprecedented 3000 yards and Jamarcus Russel leads the league in sacks .

Yeah , top that..................reality

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

" Frank " ly Speaking

Well I must say that I'm appalled ( but not at all surprised ) by congressman Barney Frank's act at his town hall meeting yesterday . The only surprising thing to me is that the so called ' Anti-American dissenters were even allowed in the building . I thought for sure Dartmouth , Mass. would be the East coast version of Obama's Montana town hall . Nothing but softballs lobbed up by human teleprompters to be smacked out of the park . Much to my surprise the senior center in Dartmouth , Mass. appeared to be filled with actual Americans with real , pertinent questions .

It might have been a refreshing example of an elected public servant debating an issue with those he represents , but unfortunately the official in question was none other than one Barney Frank . That's right good old B. Frank was on the scene . Now I'll admit that many of the 500 plus in the crowd were upset and bitter but do you blame them ? The administration has already rammed the Omnibus , and Stimulus down our throats and have now moved right on into health care . A 1000 plus page bill that many have admitted to not even reading .

So when the concerned constituents in Dartmouth started to ask Mr. Frank some hard questions , how did he respond ? Like so .



and like this




Now if you want to say to me that the woman asking the question about Hitler like policies is an idiot herself well then ............... O.K. But at least she was in control of her own emotions and asked her question directly . ( also did you notice that not many people in the crowd even flinched when she held up her sign and invoked the Nazism ? ) So how did B. Frank respond ? Like he always does . Not in any way , shape , or form answering the question . Instead he attempts to completely belittle the woman by asking what planet she resides in and then compares speaking with her to quote " arguing with a dining room table " very nice Mr. Frank .

Furthermore several times during the two and half hour session Mr. Frank lectures the crowd on the politeness of proper debate . What ? Really ? This is a man who has made a career out of responding to any and all criticism by raising his voice and spewing an unintelligible stream of belligerent nonsense . Especially when confronted by his own statements !

Don't believe me ? Lets go to Harvard then ......................




Did you see that ? The man can not even answer a simple question without belittling the questioner ( a young college student ) and blaming Bush , and everyone else he can think of . The kid asked him this ... " do you think that you have any responsibility for the sub prime mortgage crisis ? " and Frank immediately calls the kid disingenuous before he rolls into an unintelligible rant blaming everyone but himself . As always Mr. Frank ( having no answers for his own behavior ) answers a question with a stream of questions . The kid asked him 4 times a simple question and never got an answer .

How do morons like this come into power ? For that matter how do they stay in power ? This guy's act is worse than any other politician I can think of . What are we supposed to devotedly sit in silence to hear the awe inspiring words of Barney ' freaking ' Frank ? As if his words are beyond reproach ?

I'm not sure I have ever heard Barney Frank answer a question directly . So way to go Dartmouth . Keep it up , and for the love of god Massachusetts vote this arrogant radical out of office before the weight of his own hubris crushes your great state .

Honesty is good so lets not be Frank .

Friday, August 14, 2009

Stupid Earthicans

I often contemplate the possibility of sentient life in the universe . I am of the opinion that the universe is far to vast not to have uncounted other planets capable of supporting life . Therefore the probability that several of those planets harbor intelligent or even enlightened lifeforms seems high to me . I simply believe that the mind boggling size of the universe is the only reason we have not encountered any other life forms yet .

That being said I often find myself wondering what an alien race arriving on Earth for the first time would think of us humans . After all you only get one chance at a first impression . I suppose it would all depend on which particular region of Earth this hypothetical race arrived in first . Would they land their alien craft in a war zone , and be appalled at the brutality they see ? Would they descend onto an American farmland and see Ma and Pa Everyman tending the sheep and be moved by the simple tranquility ? Perhaps they would come first to one of the many megalopolises we Earthicans have constructed and be awed by our innovations ?

Or would have the misfortune to roll up into Heinola, Finland......... in mid June ............ for this..........



Wow , if you really want to see how it went down check this out .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9rX8mpVZKA

or better yet in Anchorage Alaska ........... mid July ................ for this ...............



" Good heavens ! These bloody Earthicans are all on dope ! " proclaims an aghast alien professor aboard the ship . " I had every noble intention of explaining warp speed to the populace of this kind planet " he remarks with a sigh . " but I do not believe that these beings have the mental capacity to wipe my flaboingum ! Let us retire and never speak of the Earthicans again "

Thus ( un-be-knowingest to us ) are we never invited to the Galactic Regime of Interplanetary Think Stallions ( G.R.I.T.S. ) Christmas party . All because we are so concerned about who amongst us has the prettiest chin-pelt or who can can sit down and withstand steam the longest .

Some day on a far away planet some alien guy will be defending his girlfriend when he says to his buddies " Hey ! Hey ! Just because she did her undergrad work at Noodlemuus it dont mean she's no Earthican ! "

Sad but potentially true .

Friday, August 7, 2009

Birth of a Hater

Oh my god tell me Vince Young did not just say what I think he did . Next black QB to win a Superbowl ? Will be in the Hall of Fame someday ? Seriously ? If you haven't seen V.Y.'s act yet check this out . And I quote.....

"I don't know when I'll start again. But I will be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And I will be in the Hall of Fame." - Vince Young -

Damn . I just can't believe he said it . The man just called his shot to not only win a Superbowl but to go into the Hall .

Let me start by reminding Mr. Young of all the truly great ( proven ) quarterbacks that never won a Superbowl . Dan Marino , Jim Fouts , Warren Moon , Steve McNair , Randal Cunningham , Fran Tarkington , and to a lesser degree Boomer Esiason , Jim Everett and Dave Krieg . OK Krieg might be a stretch but that's quite a list .

You can not predict a championship win in any sport ( ask C.Barkley ) no matter how freaky good you are . Certainly not in the NFL . My goodness man it's the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE ! You know that league right ? The league that sports 32 teams packed with the biggest , fastest , meanest , hardest , most bloodthirsty killers known to man . That league ?

A league ( and sport ) where the least paid guy on any roster can ( and will ) break your freakin neck if you give him even half a chance . The league where the next big contract comes with tens of millions of GUARANTEED
dollars ? You think the animals behind you aren't coming for your head ?

But you Mr. Young have avoided all common sense and proclaimed yourself the next Doug Williams and voted yourself right on in to Canton . Despicable as it is ridiculous. You have created a major hater in me Mr. Young and I will forever more root for the linebackers trying to decapitate you , regardless of team . As a result I will also have to root against the Titans as long as you remain on the roster , which really pisses me off . Considering how big of a Green Bay Packer honk I am the Tennessee Titans are one of the few NFL teams I don't hold a childish grudge against . You have ruined that for me . Thanks jerk .

Lastly have you not noticed that you are unable to beat out a 500 year old Kerry Collins for the starting job in only your third year ? Perhaps you should hold the clipboard for one more year in the hopes of gaining some perspective .

After all Michael Crabtree " threatening to sit out his rookie season " thinks you have overdone it .

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Stimuli ... thy name is 'OVER'

Well it's certainly no secret to anyone that the interest in American politics has ramped up a little since Mr. O's ascendancy to the North American throne . Hot button issues such as cap and trade , global warming , cash for clunkers and above all nationalized health care have ( to say the least ) polarized the country .

Everywhere you look lately the debate seems to be raging . Right versus Left , Conservative versus Radical , Elephant versus Donkey . The fight for power in this country ( and that is what all this is ) has even managed to wake up the middle class folk who have never given a lick about the things going on in Washington . People all over the country who have spent a lifetime ignoring the inane platitudes of over payed , out of touch politicians all the sudden are waking up and rolling out to voice they're opinions .

Likewise with so much at stake in this country the privileged in power have lost more than a little control of themselves and turned into belligerent pontification machines attempting to impose there will on an increasingly put off populace . Some going so far as to refer to hard working ( tax paying ) American citizens who are brave enough to exercise they're freedom of speech in a public forum as quote " evil mongers " or " Nazi's " instead of actually reading the bills they want us to vote for and making a reasonable argument .

Now as you know neither side of the political arena can make it's case without the media in some way shape or form . We are constantly inundated with propaganda of some sort fresh from the mind of some highly paid spin doctor . Now if you add that kind of hourly advertising with the total sum of Hollywood's influence on the human mind set you get a completely de-sensitized , overstimulated America .

Seriously , someone recently released a movie simply called " fighting " . Amazingly it bombed .

My point is this . A woman in Miami set herself on fire in clothing store in a Miami mall yesterday . ...... ...... ..... ..... ... ... .. . . . did you even know ? Yeah in a clothing store called the ' Savage Boutique ' a woman actually doused herself in a flammable liquid and lit herself on fire . Then proceeded to walk around with her arms outstretched like specter of death . The most amazing thing about this is that after two good Samaritans put her out with a couple of fire extinguishers she still had the power to walk out of the mall and into the parking lot before collapsing as a result of her third degree wounds .

The second most amazing thing is that this event barely even registered a blip on the world news radar . Many of you I'm sure are fans of the ' Drudge Report ' an up to the minute news page where the biggest story dominates the top of the page and the rest is split up into three columns of headlines ranked by the newness or importence of the story .

This event did not even crack the top five in either column at any point . Really ? How is that not the lead story on for every news outlet on the planet for the next week ? Are we all so concerned about health care that a person lighting them self on fire isn't even a story ? If I had my way I'd be able to attend a town hall meeting with Obama and I would ask him this ;"Mr. President , how has it come to be that the most enlightened society in the history of the world can ignore the fact that a person lit themself on fire in a public place so that we can debate something as ridiculous as ' cash for clunkers " ????

Unfortunately I'm sure he would just blame it on the W Administration and I would never be seen again .