AFC - 2010 PREDICTIONS

Alright then ! Yeahhhhhhhhhhh !!! Time to do some predictions for the upcoming NFL season. I'm a total football junkie , which means I think I know everything , which means I am always wrong. Thanks to the blogosphere we can all go back at the end of the year and laugh at how little I actually know . Sounds fun right ? Lets start with the AFC.

AFC EAST

The New England Patriots have won the East Division 6 out of the last 7 years and if not for a salty Dolphins squad edging them out in 2008 via tie-breaker it would be 7 in a row. The Pats have made the playoffs 7 times this decade and have appeared in a league leading 4 Superbowls, having won 3 , also league leading. Tom Brady should return to form a year removed from the knee injury but the defense has become questionable.

Then of course you have the New York Jets who have put together one hell of a team on paper. A strong defense , coupled with decent special teams and " we will kick you in balls " Rex Ryan mentality to go along with rising star Mark Sanchez at QB. Not to mention the fact that they have a hall of famer ( Ladanian Tomlinson ) as their 2nd running back make the Jets a tough team. Point blank.

blank....point , blank

The power running , ball control Miami Dolphins add big time offensive threat Brandon Marshall at WR and QB Chad Henne appears poised to have a breakout year. This combo could make the Dolphins a tough win for anyone if they sport any defense at all.

Then there are the Buffalo Bills. I love to root for the hard luck Bills , and I love rookie running back C.J. Spiller but the sad fact of the matter is that the Bills are in a tough division and just don't have the goods to compete.

MY PREDICTION

NEW ENGLAND - 13 - 3---- 1 seed
NEW YORK------- 10 - 6---- 5 seed
MIAMI ------------ 8 - 8
BUFFALO --------- 5 - 11

Brady and company return to form while Mark Sanchez suffers a sophomore slump. Dolphins and Bills play spoiler.

AFC NORTH

A down year for the Steelers and some tough breaks for the Ravens allowed the Bengals to take the North last year . Don't look for history to repeat itself here. The Bengals are a good football team to be sure but this division will jack them up this year like it always does. The Ravens now have a top flight offense and if the Steelers can make it through the Big Ben suspension 3 -3 or better it will be near impossible for the Bengals to win 10 games. Despite T.O.

and despite this as well

I have big faith in Mike Holmgren's influence over an organization but these things take time. Cleveland may win some games this year and may even upset some teams in the division but in the end will not really factor.

MY PREDICTION

BALTIMORE ----- 11 - 5 ----- 4th seed
PITTSBURGH ---- 9 - 7
CINCINNATI ----- 8 - 8
CLEVELAND ------ 4 - 12

Baltimore overcomes several inadequacies in the defensive secondary to win the division.

AFC SOUTH

The Indianapolis Colts are , for lack of a better word , machines. At least in the regular season. From 2000 to 2009 the Colts won a league best 115 games. That's an average of 11.5 a year for you math dunces. The Colts have an uncanny ability to interchange parts and still dominate offensively. With Peyton Manning still running the show there is no reason for this to change.

The Tennessee Titans sport the leagues best running back in Chris Johnson and there is no way they start 0 - 6 again this year. That being said Vince Young just is not the man , and the defense has lost some key players.

The Houston Texans ( despite that weak name ) are chomping at the bit to go from just missing the playoffs , to solid playoff contenders. Their biggest hurdle as always , is the Colts. Statistically the Texans have the hardest schedule in the league this year. If they can weather that , and steal at least one game from Indianapolis , look for the Texans to make their first playoff appearance ever.

Maurice Jones-Drew is not only an awesome back , but he just might be the coolest guy in the league. What with his love of fantasy football and Madden video games. MJD rocks , but the Jags are under qualified to compete this year.

so cool he can fly ...apparently

MY PREDICTION

INDIANAPOLIS------ 12 - 4------3rd seed
HOUSTON ------------ 10 - 6-----6th seed
TENNESSEE ----------- 7 - 9
JACKSONVILLE ------ 5 - 11

Tennessee and Jacksonville fade away , Houston rises up .

AFC WEST

What can you say about the 4 teams in the AFC WEST ? The last time this division represented itself well was the back to back Superbowl wins the Broncos achieved in 97 and 98 . Since then it seems that the only motivation to play well for these guys is the desire to smash a division foe. I love that actually , keep the hate West !

The Raiders and Chiefs are mired in pathetic down stretches and the Broncos aren't much better. San Diego seems to be the only team that wants to win but they happen to be saddled with the Norv Turner curse. The Chargers are the best playoff team to disappoint in the entire NFL.

Jason Cambell makes the Raiders better but not by much. The Chiefs are a disaster and 2nd year coach Josh McDaniels seems hell bent on forming a team with inferior players. For his own amusement apparently.

MY PREDICTION

SAN DIEGO -------- 12 - 4-----2nd seed
DENVER ------------- 8 - 8
OAKLAND ----------- 5 - 11
KANSAS CITY ------- 3 - 13

Chargers are still the Chargers , and the rest still suck

THE AFC PLAYOFFS

1. - N.E.--------N.E.
-----------------------------BAL-----
4. - BAL--------BAL
5. - JET
---------------------------------------------------------INDIANAPOLIS
3. - IND--------IND
6. - HOU
-----------------------------IND------
2. - S.D.---------S.D.

Colts take the AFC . I just don't think Houston has enough experiance, the Chargers can't break the curse , and as good as Baltimore is they wont hold down Manning when it counts. Colts repeat as AFC champs.

What To Watch For ......NFL 2010

Ahhhhhhh yes , the summer of 2010 is winding down . Soon the temperature will start to drop , the leaves will begin to turn colors , and large angry men will don fiberglass suits of armor and smash into each other repeatedly.

Yes , yes , the unbearable brightness of summer will soon be overshadowed by the grim specter of death that is Autumn. I for one , am ecstatic. Why ? Because the death of summer ( sad as you people think that is ) is the very thing that enables a new NFL season to be born. Circle of life my friends , circle of life.

As you know every NFL season brings with it a whole new set of intriguing story lines as well as a mountain of questions. Will Tom Brady and the Patriots return to form a year removed from the knee injury ? Will the Eagles be justified in turning to Kevin Kolb instead of a proven Donovan McNabb ? Will the Cleveland Browns loose a game to themselves despite the improbability of a regular season Browns v Browns match up ? Who can say ? Who COULD say ?

It never ceases to amaze me how different one NFL season is to the next. Especially these days when almost any team can rise up to compete. I do not call that parody by the way , I call it competitive balance. I think it's the silent reason that the NFL is now America's new pastime. Almost every team has the potential to rise up and shock somebody every year. Ya I'm talking to YOU Raider fan !!!! Let's do this thing !!

uhmmm ok

Again , that fact leads to some potentially awesome story lines . Can anyone beat the Jets ? What if Tony Romo is the next MVP ? Will the Buffalo Bills decide that passing the ball is overrated and bring back the four horseman formation ? Improbable I know , but this is the NFL. Who the hell knows ?

All those thoughts are worthy of our attention of course , but I like to look deeper into things . Read between the lines of the future a little. Seek a more ridiculous article ...if you will. So I have compiled my top 5 things to watch for as the 2010 NFL season unfolds. Enjoy.



# 5 - WHEN ( not if ) WILL T.O. AND CHAD OCHOCINCO KISS ?

Yikes , right off the bat with a tough one. Perhaps a better question would be ...How long will it take for these two attention whores to kiss, get in a fight , break up , and then kiss and make up again ? Since the Bengals sold their souls and signed Owens two weeks ago 81 and 85 have already been seen gallivanting around the practice field attached at the hip. Like a couple of frat boys overly amused by each others pranks. Also it appears that they have managed to get the two worst reality shows ever ( their own ) to run back to back on VH1.

That's right , if watching something that makes you embarrassed to be human is your thing then check out VH1 for back to back episodes of "The T.O. Show" and "The Ultimate Catch". Good grief , the only saving grace here is that the laws of physics prevent TV stations from airing shows "front to front". On top of that the dynamic duo were heard referring to themselves as Batman and Robin. Ochocinco , despite playing for the Bengals for over a decade actually taking the submissive Robin role with a forced smile.

what? of course i like berginas

This dog and pony show can only end badly in my estimation. One can only hope that it doesn't result in any marriage vows. Good luck in 2010 Carson Palmer , you are going to need it.

# 4 - WILL THE BROTHERS MANNING EVER STOP LICKING STUFF ?

Dear god let's hope so. What started out as an innocent effort to jointly promote cookies quickly turned out to be far more disturbing. The 2009 Double Stuff Racing League campaign involving two grown men competing in a lick off was so bad that even the Williams sisters failed to make it tolerable

Not even Donald Trump could rescue this train wreck . This promotion has only succeeded in proving that both men are accomplished suckers. How can two Super Bowl winning QBs subject themselves to this kind of humiliation? They both have huge NFL contracts so it can't be about the money can it ? The fame maybe ? Again , Superbowl winners both. In the best case scenario they give it up completely and swear off all non-finger, pre snap licking. In the worst case scenario they move on to Popsicle sucking and have to be forcibly separated by commissioner Goodell.

Sad really. If only they had a strict , well known father figure to advise them.

# 3 - WILL ESPN EVER ACKNOWLEDGE BERT FAVOR ?

**NOTE*** for those of you not in the know. I am a huge Cheese head and after 17 years of defending # 4 for not spelling his own name correctly , I have sworn to never speak it as it is spoken correctly again. BY the way , how does that Superbowl NOT taste Minnesota ? Packers = 3 Vikings = 0 . Suck it .***************

At any rate I am more than a little confused by Espn's lack of coverage where it pertains to # 4 . We still don't know if he is gonna play this year but you sure wouldn't know it. B. Favor has been spotted not only in Kiln , ( his home town ) but also in Mississippi ( his home state ) no less than 100 times since the 09 season ended. I for one would like to know what his plans are but the 4 letter network seems either unwilling or unable to dig up anything news worthy in this area.

is that him ? oh shit ! is that him ?

Now I understand that a man resting up from ankle surgery in his own home for months at a time may be a little hard to find , but come on ESPN. Don't you have a decent reporter in that massive stable of yours ? Don't you have one guy or gal willing to go down and there ? Just in case he steps out to throw some balls at the local high school ? I'm not looking for world class espionage here , but a little coverage , an update from time to time , that's all. Can he walk ? Does he still like his tractor ? Hell , I would even settle for some highlights from the NFC Championship game last year . But can I get it ?

As far as the NFL Network and ESPN are concerned the answer is a resounding NO. Guess there is just no place left for an aging hall of famer who may or may not be the quarterback of the best " on paper " team in the league. What a shame.

# 2 - WILL THE RAVENS BE ALLOWED TO WEAR CLEATS ??

Ray Lewis hopped out of bed this morning and was promptly flagged for his efforts.

this is bullshit

" 15 yard penalty for illegal carpet stomping. " said a zebra clad referee. Enraged that a stranger had managed to sneak into his bedroom unannounced Mr. Lewis proceeded to punch the intruder square in the pie hole. Laying the man out flat. Not surprisingly he was immediately bludgeoned with a hail of tiny yellow bean bags.

" Personal Foul - unsportsman like conduct - illegal touching of an official - # 52 has been ejected from his house." Later in the day it was reported that a bewildered ( and shoeless ) Lewis was seen entering the Raven's practice facility in nothing but his boxer shorts.

Apparently hard nosed , aggressive , and tough defenses no longer have a place in today's kinder , gentler NFL. God forbid an offensive player would actually get hit in a live game these days. Any touching of the face mask by a defensive player is now subject to an automatic 15 yard penalty. Yet any offensive player with the ball can punch a man in the face and it is called a stiff arm.

Any touching of an eligible receiver beyond five yards from the line of scrimmage ( regardless if the ball is thrown his way ) will be deemed ILLEGAL TOUCHING and be penalized five yards plus an automatic first down. Yet if a leaping defender accidentally grazes the quarterbacks helmet on his way down it is not only a personal foul , but said defender may need to hire a lawyer.

It is amazing to me that football can still be the greatest game on earth when so many of the players are not allowed to be touched. The Baltimore Ravens were penalized an astounding 1094 yards last year. Leading the league easily. Having seen several of the Raven's games last year I can tell you that Raven fan ( and player ) must feel as if they are playing at a disadvantage. If an offensive player has no fear of being hit or even touched , then they are free to do anything they want . Sadly , I'm afraid that's exactly what the NFL wants.

Football is the greatest game on earth because of the powerful collisions , the high emotion , and the unforgettable personalities.

You can no longer hit hard , celebrate , or speak out , without getting fined. Not in the NFL anyway.

# 1 WILL JOHN MADDEN'S GHOST HAUNT COMMISSIONER GOODEL ?

What do you mean he's still alive ? Are you sure ? I'm gonna have to look that up .

Paging Dr. Fat Bass

The old saying goes " if you aint cheatin , then you aint tryin " and who among us would question the the wisdom of a statement containing two "aints" ?

Nobody that's who , but cheating is a tricky thing . In baseball for instance guys who make a career out of stealing signs are called " students of the game " and celebrated for their innate craftiness. The guy rubbing a little snot on the ball to try and get it past El Grande Battadore is frowned upon for some reason. Drank seven cups of coffee and shotgunned 4 Redbulls ? Wow that guy is a gamer ! Did an eight-ball of coke and and injected a liter of moose testosterone in his backside ? He's only about the money. Nice double standard Major League Baseball.

Basketball has become harder and harder to watch over the years as the penalties for cheating have been reduced incrementally in a direct correlation to the player's salary. The following is an authentic page from the NBA rulebook . Probably.

OFFENSE-----------PENALTY FOR AVERAGE PLAYER-------------SUPERSTAR

hand check---------- foul and a stern look-----------------did that guy touch you ?
traveling------------ change of possession------------------- you still had 3 steps left
shooting foul--------- technical foul----------------------------------- that dude sucks
flagrant foul---------- ejection---------------------------------------- nice play champ
technical foul--------1 game suspension----------------------------- YOU DA MAN !!

As for football well , those rules are clearly made up as the game goes along. My point is that cheating is all in the eyes of the beholder/governing body. Some cheats are encouraged while others are grounds for public humiliation. More over, the sentences for the all time cheaters are as laughable as they are confounding. Journeyman pitcher Steve Howe was banned from baseball for life no less than six times for cocaine abuse. I'm almost positive of that. Yet poor Plaxico Burress got 2 years in the clank for shooting himself in the leg. Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth both have killed people while driving intoxicated and are not only free men , but still get to play in the NFL. Meanwhile broke ass college athletes , while still wrong , are excoriated for accepting money from people who truly have they're best interests in mind. Shameful.

Then , in a world of fuzzy math and shady decisions shines a light of a truth and justice for all to see. That light is the proud beacon of the Western Outdoor News bass tour . Won Bass for short. After discovering that pro angler Mike Hart was stuffing his competition bass with lead weights before the final weigh in , Won Bass promptly banned Mr. Hart . FOR LIFE !

see the full story here

YAAAAAAA !!!!! That's what I'm talking about. For life ! No further investigation , no round table discussion , only justice. Swift , sweet justice. The man actually tied a tiny hook to each of the lead weights he injected into each fish to prevent it from ever reaching the stomach. So congratulations Mr. Hart. Your shameful actions ( cheating , fish genocide ) have earned you a life time ban from the "sport" you love. Hopefully PETA will actually do it's job for once and protest your .........face.

And congratulations to you WON Bass . despite using words like "prestigious" and "integrity" as well as "official" to describe your league , or sport , or recreation , or whatever kind of organization you are. You showed up every other major sport by acting swiftly and with common sense. A rarity in today's world.

Well done Bass Masters . I salute you.