What To Watch For ......NFL 2010

Ahhhhhhh yes , the summer of 2010 is winding down . Soon the temperature will start to drop , the leaves will begin to turn colors , and large angry men will don fiberglass suits of armor and smash into each other repeatedly.

Yes , yes , the unbearable brightness of summer will soon be overshadowed by the grim specter of death that is Autumn. I for one , am ecstatic. Why ? Because the death of summer ( sad as you people think that is ) is the very thing that enables a new NFL season to be born. Circle of life my friends , circle of life.

As you know every NFL season brings with it a whole new set of intriguing story lines as well as a mountain of questions. Will Tom Brady and the Patriots return to form a year removed from the knee injury ? Will the Eagles be justified in turning to Kevin Kolb instead of a proven Donovan McNabb ? Will the Cleveland Browns loose a game to themselves despite the improbability of a regular season Browns v Browns match up ? Who can say ? Who COULD say ?

It never ceases to amaze me how different one NFL season is to the next. Especially these days when almost any team can rise up to compete. I do not call that parody by the way , I call it competitive balance. I think it's the silent reason that the NFL is now America's new pastime. Almost every team has the potential to rise up and shock somebody every year. Ya I'm talking to YOU Raider fan !!!! Let's do this thing !!

uhmmm ok

Again , that fact leads to some potentially awesome story lines . Can anyone beat the Jets ? What if Tony Romo is the next MVP ? Will the Buffalo Bills decide that passing the ball is overrated and bring back the four horseman formation ? Improbable I know , but this is the NFL. Who the hell knows ?

All those thoughts are worthy of our attention of course , but I like to look deeper into things . Read between the lines of the future a little. Seek a more ridiculous article ...if you will. So I have compiled my top 5 things to watch for as the 2010 NFL season unfolds. Enjoy.



# 5 - WHEN ( not if ) WILL T.O. AND CHAD OCHOCINCO KISS ?

Yikes , right off the bat with a tough one. Perhaps a better question would be ...How long will it take for these two attention whores to kiss, get in a fight , break up , and then kiss and make up again ? Since the Bengals sold their souls and signed Owens two weeks ago 81 and 85 have already been seen gallivanting around the practice field attached at the hip. Like a couple of frat boys overly amused by each others pranks. Also it appears that they have managed to get the two worst reality shows ever ( their own ) to run back to back on VH1.

That's right , if watching something that makes you embarrassed to be human is your thing then check out VH1 for back to back episodes of "The T.O. Show" and "The Ultimate Catch". Good grief , the only saving grace here is that the laws of physics prevent TV stations from airing shows "front to front". On top of that the dynamic duo were heard referring to themselves as Batman and Robin. Ochocinco , despite playing for the Bengals for over a decade actually taking the submissive Robin role with a forced smile.

what? of course i like berginas

This dog and pony show can only end badly in my estimation. One can only hope that it doesn't result in any marriage vows. Good luck in 2010 Carson Palmer , you are going to need it.

# 4 - WILL THE BROTHERS MANNING EVER STOP LICKING STUFF ?

Dear god let's hope so. What started out as an innocent effort to jointly promote cookies quickly turned out to be far more disturbing. The 2009 Double Stuff Racing League campaign involving two grown men competing in a lick off was so bad that even the Williams sisters failed to make it tolerable

Not even Donald Trump could rescue this train wreck . This promotion has only succeeded in proving that both men are accomplished suckers. How can two Super Bowl winning QBs subject themselves to this kind of humiliation? They both have huge NFL contracts so it can't be about the money can it ? The fame maybe ? Again , Superbowl winners both. In the best case scenario they give it up completely and swear off all non-finger, pre snap licking. In the worst case scenario they move on to Popsicle sucking and have to be forcibly separated by commissioner Goodell.

Sad really. If only they had a strict , well known father figure to advise them.

# 3 - WILL ESPN EVER ACKNOWLEDGE BERT FAVOR ?

**NOTE*** for those of you not in the know. I am a huge Cheese head and after 17 years of defending # 4 for not spelling his own name correctly , I have sworn to never speak it as it is spoken correctly again. BY the way , how does that Superbowl NOT taste Minnesota ? Packers = 3 Vikings = 0 . Suck it .***************

At any rate I am more than a little confused by Espn's lack of coverage where it pertains to # 4 . We still don't know if he is gonna play this year but you sure wouldn't know it. B. Favor has been spotted not only in Kiln , ( his home town ) but also in Mississippi ( his home state ) no less than 100 times since the 09 season ended. I for one would like to know what his plans are but the 4 letter network seems either unwilling or unable to dig up anything news worthy in this area.

is that him ? oh shit ! is that him ?

Now I understand that a man resting up from ankle surgery in his own home for months at a time may be a little hard to find , but come on ESPN. Don't you have a decent reporter in that massive stable of yours ? Don't you have one guy or gal willing to go down and there ? Just in case he steps out to throw some balls at the local high school ? I'm not looking for world class espionage here , but a little coverage , an update from time to time , that's all. Can he walk ? Does he still like his tractor ? Hell , I would even settle for some highlights from the NFC Championship game last year . But can I get it ?

As far as the NFL Network and ESPN are concerned the answer is a resounding NO. Guess there is just no place left for an aging hall of famer who may or may not be the quarterback of the best " on paper " team in the league. What a shame.

# 2 - WILL THE RAVENS BE ALLOWED TO WEAR CLEATS ??

Ray Lewis hopped out of bed this morning and was promptly flagged for his efforts.

this is bullshit

" 15 yard penalty for illegal carpet stomping. " said a zebra clad referee. Enraged that a stranger had managed to sneak into his bedroom unannounced Mr. Lewis proceeded to punch the intruder square in the pie hole. Laying the man out flat. Not surprisingly he was immediately bludgeoned with a hail of tiny yellow bean bags.

" Personal Foul - unsportsman like conduct - illegal touching of an official - # 52 has been ejected from his house." Later in the day it was reported that a bewildered ( and shoeless ) Lewis was seen entering the Raven's practice facility in nothing but his boxer shorts.

Apparently hard nosed , aggressive , and tough defenses no longer have a place in today's kinder , gentler NFL. God forbid an offensive player would actually get hit in a live game these days. Any touching of the face mask by a defensive player is now subject to an automatic 15 yard penalty. Yet any offensive player with the ball can punch a man in the face and it is called a stiff arm.

Any touching of an eligible receiver beyond five yards from the line of scrimmage ( regardless if the ball is thrown his way ) will be deemed ILLEGAL TOUCHING and be penalized five yards plus an automatic first down. Yet if a leaping defender accidentally grazes the quarterbacks helmet on his way down it is not only a personal foul , but said defender may need to hire a lawyer.

It is amazing to me that football can still be the greatest game on earth when so many of the players are not allowed to be touched. The Baltimore Ravens were penalized an astounding 1094 yards last year. Leading the league easily. Having seen several of the Raven's games last year I can tell you that Raven fan ( and player ) must feel as if they are playing at a disadvantage. If an offensive player has no fear of being hit or even touched , then they are free to do anything they want . Sadly , I'm afraid that's exactly what the NFL wants.

Football is the greatest game on earth because of the powerful collisions , the high emotion , and the unforgettable personalities.

You can no longer hit hard , celebrate , or speak out , without getting fined. Not in the NFL anyway.

# 1 WILL JOHN MADDEN'S GHOST HAUNT COMMISSIONER GOODEL ?

What do you mean he's still alive ? Are you sure ? I'm gonna have to look that up .