ahhhhh slightly less
These things are changes that occur on a regular basis however, and kind of become normal after having been witnessed a thousand times or so. You may still comment from time to time on the daylight or the temperature, and you may , at times , still be moved to kick that white pile of canine feces . You know , just to see. But aside from that these things are quickly forgotten. Minor happenstances tossed into your life in and endless cycle of normalcy.
The things you do not forget however are the people. I'm not even sure how I just referred to people as "things" yet here we are. More to the point , every person you meet is unique in some way. Perhaps only slightly so , but still unique. The course of our lives will take many twists and turns over the years and it is the people we will remember.
Yes indeed , the people. We could start anywhere , probably should start with family members , and the people we love , but that is too easy. I say we concentrate on the people who actually have a serious impact on our lives. The truly unforgettable. The clinically bi-polar and maddeningly dysfunctional personages we encounter at work.
Yes those are the ones. The poor , the tired , and the lonely. The rich , the overstimulated , and the jerk waddish. These people can be your customers , or your clients. Your business partners or your stalkers. They are the tweekers, the chodes, the spastic and the goobenly. They are the chatterboxes , the close-talkers, the folks who act like they are constantly speaking to a large crowd, and the silently staring C.H.U.D.s
#1 on our company mailer.......it's true
They are the outer circle of our lives, and try as we might we just can not push them far enough away. Their nervously twitching , constantly frightened , and yes frequently handicapped selves keep snapping back in to our lives like a hot rubber band to the eyeball. Yet we somehow come to love them in our own sick demented ways.
But I digress , enough about average citizens. I came here today (here ?) to speak about the above average. The special ones , the shooting stars, ....NAY !!..... The Rock Stars that we are blessed to behold.
***"It has come to my attention that many of you who gained entrance from the back (snicker) have managed to do so without paying the cover charge. Well , as this IS a momentous day I am willing to ignore that for now but I want to make it perfectly clear that under no circumstances do I intend to let this discussion degenerate into a debate about genitalia in any way. Male or Female. Despite my previous references to rock stars , above average , "special" people and things hitting you in the eye. So with that being said , Officer Goombatso , could you please remove that man in the velvet panda suit for us. Thank you"****************
Sorry for the interruption. Now back to my speech. It goes without saying that witnessing the glory of a shooting star can be perilous at times. From a safe distance they are majestic , and wonderful, a delight to behold. From a not so safe distance they shine far to brightly for our soggy human eyes , yet we can not turn away , and thus we are left with our giant smiles and hideously disfigured eye sockets.
I recently had the chance to witness one of these white hot celestial bodies as it careened through my life , and I was not alone. Our tiny, insignificant world of The Sports Fanatic was fundamentally astounded some 3 years ago in the process of hiring some extra help to get us through the holiday season. What , on the surface, appeared to be the casual gain of a current employees friend, quickly turned out to be much , much more.
I recall the first words I ever heard her speak as if it were yesterday. "Jessi you whore!" she screamed through the metal gate, " I need more sex in my life!" .......Simple , yet profound don't you think ? She was......... as an other worldly space comedian , yet in the guise of a human female.
From day one she shocked and astounded us with the quickness and the skill in which she spewed her shock-and-raunch brand of comedy. It was fast , and it was filthy , but only if you were smart enough to catch it. Yet as good as the jokes were (and still are) they were not her most impressive feature.
***BOOMING APPLAUSE EXPLODES THROUGHOUT THE ROOM*******
People please !! Restrain your self's !!! I know what you want and I'm not going to give it to you ! Now calm down !!
I was speaking to the fact that she could count money with lightning speed while carrying on MORE than one conversation !!!! And the gods be merciful if those bills are not faced !! Needless to say I was impressed by this. Yet not nearly as impressed as I was when she taught ME to do the same thing !! Now by "taught' of course I mean "forced" verbally and mentally. It didn't matter that I didn't actually want to learn. She made it quite clear that to work with her or around her, I would need to acquire this skill. We all would.
And so, under her slave-master like tutelage we learned to raise the level of our games. Not just with the money either , she made us all better , all the time. It is not a joke when I say that I believe I am actually a smarter person after having worked with her. It's one thing to have a skill or to work really hard , it is quite another to put both on display without ever being in danger of loosing track of the conversation. As well as maintaining a constant stream of overlapping puns and long running inside jokes.
not pictured.......an explanation
Over the next three years this young woman would continue to enlighten us all with her high speed thought processes and clerical innovations. Not to speak of her simply incomparable skills inside a display case. I repeat ,.....incomparable. This list of skills could go on and on if I let it . She has forgotten more about how to merchandise clothing than I will probably ever know. She could literally fold a tee shirt one handed while taking a shot and flipping you off.
And that reminds me of her sales pitch. It is not every day you get watch someone insult a person as a means to sell them a hat. How do you even describe such a thing ? Genius , pure genius. She was a treat to watch and a pleasure to work with. If extreme workplace sarcasm and exceptional bad-assery were a competition she would dominate. And , as of today , it is .
And so , without further dudes , I present to you the first annual winner of the Sports Fantastic Award for Extreme Workplace Sarcasm and Exceptional Bad-Assery .....................AnnDee Paul ladies and gentlemen !!!!!........AnnDee Paul.............And for all you who are doing some drinking up there in the balcony section , ya I see ya .................................................
ANN.........DEE..........MUTHA....... FUCKING.........PAUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
****CROWD GOES NUTS , APPLAUSE IS DEAFENING , ROOF LITERALLY BLOWS OFF**
You absolutely freakin rock girl , and i will miss you.
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