The problem with the traditional 4 star system is that it leaves no room for the many bad-ass things that happen in crappy movies. Likewise it leaves no room to differentiate between two great movies. Or even two really good movies. How can you know what the best movie ever was? There are hundreds and hundreds of 4 star flicks.
Conversely there must be several billion crappy ass films that receive 1 star just so they can be shown on network television I assume. Just saying to yourself "well that stunk" is not a good enough reason to award a movie 1 star. Likewise there are many times many really good movies that just don't quite make it to that fourth star. But is every "kinda awesome" movie a 3 ? I think not.
My system , new and unrefined as it is , is a little different than most. First of all it is a 10 star scoring system. Secondly it is nearly (probably) impossible to score a perfect 10. I do not believe I have ever seen the perfect movie. As you will soon come to understand. Many movies are totally awesome , but the perfect movie would have to include ALL the things we love in a movie. Also despite the many ways there are to score points , my scale is harsh.
pictured---harsh
It's a two part scoring system for one.................part. Part one expounds upon the original 4 stars with a ..................wait for it ..........................5 STARS !!!!!!!!!!
Yeah , you heard me . These are the 5 basic components I would use in a 5 star system. Awesome plots, horrible betrayals, fantastic explosions , full frontal nudity and a 120 minute minimum run time. You absolutely must have these 5 things to even have a chance at a perfect score. It is non negotiable. These five requirements can be explained here .
After that I have contrived an extensive list of partial scoring. Full stars, half stars,and even quarter stars. Such things as comedy that makes you pee when you laugh (1 star) and epic drug trips (half star), are but a few examples. Also , less awesome cinematic events can still be awarded a quarter star. They have little to do with a great movie but are surely point worthy. Awesome aliens and dubious porn stashes are a few examples.
sir ......you have it all. and a quarter star
But in the second part of the scoring system you can only achieve a total of 5 stars. Yes , Yes , math geek I understand that the second part of my scoring system (in it's current format) appears to have a total of 8 and one half stars. But I set the limit a 5 because I am not a complete goob. The combination of side boob, hot actresses, and porn stashes could make any porno a 10 star movie. We just can't have that.
So to achieve the perfect 10 stars you must first earn all 5 of the required full stars and then also score any combination of 5 bonus stars. It is not as easy as it may sound.
My favorite movie of all time is Goodfellas. A classic to put all others to shame. Even it only scores a 9 on my scale. And that's IF , and only IF, I give the full "awesome explosion star" to the car fires that a youthful Henry Hill starts in the first half hour. Not even the Star Wars movies score that high. Although they could if princess Leah was ever topless. Just for one second. But she is not , therefore a 9 is the highest score they can achieve.
And so I remind you , this is a harsh scale. Considering how big an industry movies are , shouldn't it be ? So don't be depressed if some of your favorite flicks don't even come close to a 10. Hell , I freggin love me some Die Hard but on my scale it only scores a 6 and 1/4. That's actually really good by my reckoning. Here are the results of my scale.
- 0 stars------------------i died a little just now
- 0-1 stars------------------i kinda cant believe I just watched that
- 1-1.5 stars------------------making out in the back of the theater
- 1.6-3 stars------------------mildly amused ....by something
- 3-4 stars------------------not bad ! i would watch it again !
- 4-5 stars------------------sweet !!!
- 5-6 stars----------------- oh man , this is getting good
- 6-7 stars------------------oh snap ! didn't see that coming
- 7-8 stars------------------wow , that rocked my gray matter
- 8-9 stars------------------I will never stop talking about this
- 9-9.5 stars------------------i have seen history
- 9.6-10 stars----------------- now , I can die happy
So go forth and watch the crap that Hollywood does produce. Enjoy the mind numbing repetitiveness of it all . And remember , I will be always be scoring it on my ridiculous , drunken , 10 star movie rating scale
YOU CAN SEE THE BIG RAGU'S MOVIE RANKING SCALE HERE
AND YOU CAN SEE THE MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED SINCE I CREATED IT HERE .
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