In my latest installment of " RAGU REWINDS THE FLICKS " I have decided to put two random movies up against each other in a cinematic fight to the death. Tonight's death match pits a blockbuster comedy sequel against a shoot em up action thriller. The action should be intense and the commentary ridiculous . Lets get to it .
In the red corner we have Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay . The long awaited sequel to the first installment of weed smoking antics and raunchy jokes.
In the blue corner we have the movie Hit Man starring Timothy Olyphant as a born and raised professional killer. ooooooooooooooooooo scary !!
If you are new and need an explanation of the scoring system you can find it here .
TOO THE SCORECARDS !!!!!!!!!!
# 1 TIME - Both movies are well over the minimum allotted run time of 120 minutes. ( 1 - 1 )
# 2 BETRAYAL - I saw no betrayals in either movie worthy of a star. still ( 1 - 1 )
# 3 EXPLOSION - Harold and Kumar , while enjoyable , was disappointing in it's lack a giant explosion. Hit man on the other hand came through with flying colors. ( 1 - 2 )
# 4 BOOBS - Big winners on both sides here . HITMAN'S Olga Kurylenko is awesome in her frontal nudity and H @ K never fails when it comes to naked breasts. ( 2 - 3 )
# 5 THE PLOT - H @ K didn't bother to try and HIT MAN just didn't make the grade.
And so , after round # 1 , the 5 mandatory stars , the score stands at H @ K with 2 and HIT MAN with 3 . Now we have round 2 . The bonus full stars.
There are 5 bonus full stars available and both movies scored 2 of them . Harold and Kumar scored points for an overly gratuitous sex scene involving a dream sequence 3 way involving a man , a woman , and a giant bag of pot. H @ K also scored a star for comedy that makes you pee a little when you laugh. Most of the movie in fact.
In the red corner we have Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay . The long awaited sequel to the first installment of weed smoking antics and raunchy jokes.
In the blue corner we have the movie Hit Man starring Timothy Olyphant as a born and raised professional killer. ooooooooooooooooooo scary !!
If you are new and need an explanation of the scoring system you can find it here .
TOO THE SCORECARDS !!!!!!!!!!
# 1 TIME - Both movies are well over the minimum allotted run time of 120 minutes. ( 1 - 1 )
# 2 BETRAYAL - I saw no betrayals in either movie worthy of a star. still ( 1 - 1 )
# 3 EXPLOSION - Harold and Kumar , while enjoyable , was disappointing in it's lack a giant explosion. Hit man on the other hand came through with flying colors. ( 1 - 2 )
# 4 BOOBS - Big winners on both sides here . HITMAN'S Olga Kurylenko is awesome in her frontal nudity and H @ K never fails when it comes to naked breasts. ( 2 - 3 )
# 5 THE PLOT - H @ K didn't bother to try and HIT MAN just didn't make the grade.
And so , after round # 1 , the 5 mandatory stars , the score stands at H @ K with 2 and HIT MAN with 3 . Now we have round 2 . The bonus full stars.
There are 5 bonus full stars available and both movies scored 2 of them . Harold and Kumar scored points for an overly gratuitous sex scene involving a dream sequence 3 way involving a man , a woman , and a giant bag of pot. H @ K also scored a star for comedy that makes you pee a little when you laugh. Most of the movie in fact.
HIT MAN on the other scored an additional full star for an awesome side boob shot . Despite already scoring a star for full frontal , Olga Kurylenko was scantily clad at best throughout and got another star out of it. In addition the fight scenes in this movie were as numerous as they were awesome.
So after round 2 HITMAN still leads . The score is now ( 4 - 5 )
The half star round went to Harold and Kumar. Scoring half-stars for the awesome soundtrack as well as the epic drug use. Neil Patrick Harris's mushroom trip was an added bonus to the constant pot smoking.
HITMAN only managed one half star for the many gruesome deaths it provided.
The score is now ( 5 - 5.5 ) still in favor of HITMAN.
Again the scoring is explained here .
Now , to decide the matter , we move to the last scoring segment. The quarter stars.
HITMAN did not do so well here. It was a serious-ish movie that didn't sport a whole lot of cinematic stupidity. Scoring only one 1/4 star for a hot actress. Olga again. I do believe that she has scored the majority of this movies stars ! Good for her.
HAROLD AND KUMAR on the other hand was designed for sophomoric entertainment and did a little better. They also received a 1/4 star for a hot actress. Hey , they were good looking girls "acting" in a movie. It still counts. But H @ K verily excelled in the categories of political incorrectness as well as racial slurs . Of which there were many times many.
THE DECISION
HAROLD AND KUMAR = 5.75 STARS = Oh man this is getting good !
HIT MAN = 5.75 STARS = Oh man this is getting good !
Wait ....what ? Are you kidding me ? My very first movie battle using my new scale resulted in a tie ? Oh for the love of crap !! What are the chances ?
Well as creator of this stupidity I feel compelled to levy a decision on the matter.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
This is tough , but , considering the amount of exposed breasts , there very easily could have been an additional star for "side" boob. Even though ALL the boobs in this flick were full , it is the only deciding factor I can find.
AND THE WINNER IS .........................
Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanimo Bay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The half star round went to Harold and Kumar. Scoring half-stars for the awesome soundtrack as well as the epic drug use. Neil Patrick Harris's mushroom trip was an added bonus to the constant pot smoking.
HITMAN only managed one half star for the many gruesome deaths it provided.
The score is now ( 5 - 5.5 ) still in favor of HITMAN.
Again the scoring is explained here .
Now , to decide the matter , we move to the last scoring segment. The quarter stars.
HITMAN did not do so well here. It was a serious-ish movie that didn't sport a whole lot of cinematic stupidity. Scoring only one 1/4 star for a hot actress. Olga again. I do believe that she has scored the majority of this movies stars ! Good for her.
HAROLD AND KUMAR on the other hand was designed for sophomoric entertainment and did a little better. They also received a 1/4 star for a hot actress. Hey , they were good looking girls "acting" in a movie. It still counts. But H @ K verily excelled in the categories of political incorrectness as well as racial slurs . Of which there were many times many.
THE DECISION
HAROLD AND KUMAR = 5.75 STARS = Oh man this is getting good !
HIT MAN = 5.75 STARS = Oh man this is getting good !
Wait ....what ? Are you kidding me ? My very first movie battle using my new scale resulted in a tie ? Oh for the love of crap !! What are the chances ?
Well as creator of this stupidity I feel compelled to levy a decision on the matter.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
This is tough , but , considering the amount of exposed breasts , there very easily could have been an additional star for "side" boob. Even though ALL the boobs in this flick were full , it is the only deciding factor I can find.
AND THE WINNER IS .........................
Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanimo Bay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations boys you win nothing.
Hmm, broke out the old side boob, I see! I'm assuming that was purely used as a tie break and that had they not been in a epic battle to the death 5.75 would be the final verdict? I applaud the effort put in here, and being that this little engine is just warming up, I cant wait for the match ups to get a little more intense. I assume we will be building up to a season finally that will have the likes of Dark Knight up against the Fellowship of the Ring!
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